How to break your ‘addiction’ to Trump

trump master

10 April 2018 | James Porteous| Hawkins Bay Dispatch

The truth is we have become addicted to The Daily Musings of one Donald J. Trump.

It is like a daily traffic accident. Each day, we sit transfixed by the blather. We are powerless to turn away.

I have checked and checked again and I am afraid I cannot find a listing for any AA-style Donald J. Trump addiction-withdrawal-programs.

I realize that one of the main reasons for this is that no one in North America is ever offered enough time or opportunity to actually get away from the constant gibberish long enough to even qualify for trueheart-withdrawal.

The barrage is constant. From the moment you wake up until you lay your weary head on your weary pillow the average person will have suffered a quite inexplicable barrage of stories, quotes and tweets on everything from hookers, lawyers, guns and money, war threats, personal threats, misinformation, outright lies, stupidity, manly chatter, jingoism… Well, you get the drift.

Where can one go to get away from this? The shower? The bedroom? The laundromat? The local bar? No: he bathes with you, sleeps with you and cleans with you. But at least Mr. Teetotaler does not drink with you.

I have found my own personal solution to this addiciton: I have temporarily moved out of North America.

Seriously, I turn on my TV every morning and tune into Sky or BBC or AJE and, for the most part, see actual news about actual people, talking about actual important topics.

And Trump coverage? He certainly manages to wedge his way on-screen sometimes. Like when he threatens to blow up the world. That is only natural. You cannot hope to completely ignore The Most Dangerous Man in the World just because you don’t like hearing what he has to say.

But after a month of expending little or no daily effort I can proudly proclaim that I know next-to-nothing about that Stormy woman or ‘Russiagate’ or even that wife of his. Poor soul.

Oh sure, those living in the UK have to endure The May ‘n’ Boris Show but May is at least… Okay, she is a robot. And Boris… is Boris.

But I almost never throw up in my mouth when I hear either of them speak. Well, at least that is true of May. Sort of.

So my point? Am I going to offer everyone enough money to hop on a plane and just move on over? Or chip in and help build a wall around Washington, DC?

No. Sorry. There are not enough planes. Or bricks.

But we are not heartless, are we. Repeat after me: We are not heartless, are we?

So we have come up with a peace-offering of sorts.

In lieu of a mass amount of money for mass-transport or shiploads of mortar, allow us to pass along some very sound and sage advice.

As it turns out The Patron Saint of Early American Folk Music, a certain Mr. John Prine, many years ago actually told us, in exact detail, how to deal with this very situation in his song, Spanish Pipedream:

Blow up your t.v./ throw away your paper
Go to the country/ build you a home
Plant a little garden/ eat a lot of peaches
Try  and find jesus/ on your own

It is not much, I know. But we hope it helps in some small way.

At least until we have seen the backside of Mr. Dubious and His Royal Clown in Waiting.

You’re welcome.

James Porteous



Spanish Pipedream

John Prine

She was a level-headed dancer on the road to alcohol
And I was just a soldier on my way to Montreal
Well she pressed her chest against me
About the time the jukebox broke
Yeah, she gave me a peck on the back of the neck
And these are the words she spoke

Blow up your TV throw away your paper
Go to the country, build you a home
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches
Try an find Jesus on your own

Well, I sat there at the table and I acted real naive
For I knew that topless lady had something up her sleeve
Well, she danced around the bar room and she did the hooch y-coo
Yeah she sang her song all night long, telling me what to do

Blow up your TV throw away your paper
Go to the country, build you a home
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches
Try an find Jesus on your own

Well, I was young and hungry and about to leave that place
When just as I was leaving, well she looked me in the face
I said “You must know the answer.”
“She said, “No but I’ll give it a try.”
And to this very day we’ve been living our way
And here is the reason why




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