Brex**it Live reality TV show on hiatus

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12 April 2019 | James Porteous | Hawkins Bay Dispatch

Bud Sharpe, head of Unscripted Programming, has announced that their hugely popular reality TV show, Brexshit Live, has gone on hiatus.

The long-running show, which has often garnered millions of viewers around the world, had been expected to run for at least another six months.

Sharpe said an extension of more than two minutes would be untenable.

“Six more months? Of that?” he said.  “No. No way. We would be down to three viewers in no time.

“To be honest, we are calling it an Easter hiatus, but we are not sure the program will be coming back.

“We feel interest has waned. Viewers are telling us that the scripts have become tedious and repetitive over time.

“And they are right, I think.

“We realize that Mother Theresa May Productions (MTMP) had the final say in the script -indeed some would say the only say- but after the 29 March 2019 Soundbite Debacle it was clear that we did not want six months of 31 October 2019 soundbites. Can you imagine?

“There is only so much viewers can take. At some point even our control-room staff were sneaking out for extended cigarette breaks. And none of them smoke!”

The show has also been hampered by an ever-decreasing cast of viable secondary characters, he said.

“Boris is Boris and god love him for being Boris as Boris playing Boris as Boris, but good lord. His wishy-washiness and his constant threats to sneak down in the middle of the night to tidy up the edges of that hunk of cheese at the back of the fridge? Who cares! Just eat it for christ sake. We don’t care!

“And  everyone enjoyed the antics of Mr. History, Jacob Rees-Mogg for about six seconds but to be honest, even our research staff were unable to verify half of what he said. Was he making it up? I mean, I know he did admit that he has made no pretence to be a modern man at all, ever. But really? Spoiler alert cancelled!

“And once he stuck that knife in MTM’s back, well it became obvious that he would have to be relegated to a guest appearance role. He was peeved – and it showed in his appearances on the program. Who needs that grief on a daily basis.

“Sadly that left Michael ‘Running Man’ Grove but he never stopped running long enough to really take a stand.

“And Mr. Corbyn? Well,  the MTMP  contract stipulated that we were only allowed to show him on-air during PMQ so it was exceedingly difficult to build him into a viable secondary character in the series, let alone a leading role.”

So that left MTM herself, Sharpe noted.

“Viewers have told us her robot-like-impersonations were entertaining at first,” but the idea of “another six months of pedantic, repetitive soundbites was simply too much.”

And the final straw?

“Good lord. Need you ask!

“So much frantic hair-pulling when we received word from Nigel Farage’s agent that he was pushing for an increased role in the next series. And more money, no doubt.

“Christ no. Can you imagine his talent rider?

I told you to remove the red Smarties.’

Where is this Perrier made? I told you don’t drink foreign water.’

‘The left side! The left side. Always photograph me from the left side!’

“No thanks. We are definitely not waiting around for Nigel.”

It was clearly time to pull the plug, Sharpe said.

“We had a good run,” he concludes. “In the beginning it was everything you could hope for in an unscripted program. We used to call it ‘water-cooler’ programming. Every day viewers would gather around and talk about the latest episode.

“No one is talking about Brexshit Live now. Well, not in a good way.

“And to be honest, I could not live with myself if we were to be held even partially responsible for The Nigel Series. Just could not bear it.”

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James Porteous
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